Don't Piss Me Off: Lucy vs Erza
by royalrosie2000
Summary: Second Fanfic, basically it's set in the Loki arc, around the time when Lucy was super mad at Loki. What if instead of taking that anger out just on Natsu and Gray, she picked a fight with the Titania too? sorry for any parts that are OOC. Warning: swearing and lots of (verbal) fights.


Hey there People of Earth. This is my second fanfic, first one wasn't very good though… (it is currently undergoing extreme editing, please don't read!) anyway, just so you know, this is purely comedy, it is not meant to be serious, just thought I'd mention that because while going over this I realized if you read it the wrong way it could be seen as very serious. Also, I actually ended up typing this out for my friend so when he's reading this he better enjoy it… So, please, enjoy! (that was to the general public, not to my friend)

P.S. This is set in the Loki arc, the day when Lucy's in a bad mood cause Loki told her he was dying. (Not sure what chapter it is)

PPS sorry for any character who seems OOC… but, hey, I tried my best, so no flames, all right?

P.P.P.S Warning: swearing and lots of verbal fights.

P.P.P.P.S Disclaimer: I do not own Fairy Tail.

P.P.P.P.P.S I know and I do not care that there are too many P.S's. I will ignore any and all complaints about too many P.S.'s.

(No one's POV)

Lucy was a bad mood. Loki had tricked her into thinking he was dying, and all this construction work was grating on her eardrums. It faintly registered that Gray and Natsu were, once again, arguing.

"Can you two possibly shut the fuck up before I use this glass of water to call Aquarius and MAKE you shut up?"

She didn't even glance behind her, she knew the idiotic boys were staring at her.

- (arrow… that was random…)

(Lucy's POV) (sorry for sudden shift)

"Uhh… L-Luce? I-Is there s-something wrong?" Natsu nervously asked.

"Hmm? Oh, no, nothing's wrong. Ab-sol-ute-ly nothing~! I said cheerily.

Natsu and Gray sweat-dropped.

"Okay than, w-we'll just b-be, uh, leaving n-now!"

Natsu and Gray took off like the devil, or a demon, or, even worse, Erza was chasing them. Oh, speak of the-wait… didn't I just make this joke?-d-devil… Erza was here now! And she was yelling! Delightful! Fantastic! I was so happy I could murder someone!

"LUCY! ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME!?"

"NO, AS A MATTER OF FACT I'M NOT YOU PSYCHOTIC CONTROL FREAK!"

I couldn't help but scream back at Erza. I finally turned around and Erza was standing there like a cat who had just been dumped in cold water. Shocked, furious, and completely out of her element.

I sighed and stirred with my straw. I hear a faint noise to my left and I turned to find the construction crew (A.K.A Fairy Tail) gaping at me, jaws hitting the ground. I couldn't help but smirk at them, 'wimps' I thought.

I looked back at Erza who seemed to still be a ticking-time bomb, and I could practically hear the clock counting down. My bad mood raged and I closed my eyes, just listening to the Erza countdown.

Seriously, what is with everyone today anyway?

-O_O-

(No one's POV)

Fairy Tail visibly shuddered when Lucy turned back around, not facing Erza, and froze as if listening to something intently.

Erza was standing there, mouth still hanging open, when all of a sudden she imploded.

"WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME YOU INSOLENT LITTLE GIRL?! Excuse me, I just had to say that. You may punch me now."

"No."

"What?"

"I said no."

"Punch me!"

"Never."

"You don't have the courage!"

"You don't have a brain!"

"Well, you don't have a boyfriend!"

"Like you do!"

"At least I don't waste all my money on clothes!"

"At least I don't hide in stupid suits of armour!"

Lucy was spitting acid and Erza was radiating a murderous aura. The guild just watched relentlessly, scared out of their minds.

"If you're so perfect, why can't you punch me?!"

"Maybe I will punch you!

"Ha! Like you could even touch me."

"Watch me!"

"Nobody's got time for you to play around, Lucy."

"Maybe I wouldn't have to play with my food if it wasn't so sour!"

"Are you implying that I'm sour?"

"Wow. How'd you figure that one out, genius?"

"W-Well, you're the one cake I wouldn't eat because you're TOO soft and fluffy!"

"I'm proud of that!" (Is a line Lucy would never say…but i really don't care at this point :P)

"You shouldn't be, weakling."

Lucy whipped around, locking eyes with Erza. Too say Erza was furious was an understatement. Her glare was burning with the heat of a million suns. But Lucy responded with a stare that possessed the icy coldness of a trillion winters. (does anyone know something really cold i could use instead of winter? because winter just doesn't really fit there, but i couldn't come up with anything else)

Unfaltering, the two stared into each others eyes for over an hour, everyone still speechless. Neither let up and no one from the guild was idiotic enough to interfere.

That is, until two certain mages decided to return to help out the workers.

"Don't worry Ice-Princess. Luce won't be mad anymore. Right Happy?"

"Aye!"

"I wasn't worrying, Flame-Brain!"

"Droopy eyes!"

"Slanty Eyes!"

"Stripper!"

"Hot-Head!"

"Snow-Cone!"

"Flamethrower!"

"Bunny-Lover!"

"Bunny-Lover?"

"Yes, Bunny-Lover!"

"And how is that an insult-" Gray broke of his train of thought when they stumbled upon the construction site.

"What's wrong, Snowflake?"

"Something's wrong here. Why's everyone just standing around?"

"Maybe the saw you coming and decided to run but it was too late."

"No,… this looks serious."

"Did someone die?"

"No, I think I see the problem."

"What is it?"

"You know, you might be able to see better if your scarf wasn't over your eyes, stupid!"

Natsu smacked his right fist into his left palm as if realizing something.

"YOU DIDN'T REALIZE THAT?!"

Natsu pulled down his scaly scarf.

"So… What's the problem-oh no."

"See? This is bad."

"Very bad."

"But we can calm them down, right?"

"Of course, I can always get Luce to stop being mad!"

"I-I-I'll try my best with the D-Demon…"

Gray sidled over to Erza, who was literally on fire, while Natsu marched over to Lucy joyfully, but dropped his trademark grin when he realized he was standing on ice and snow. Lots of it.

Simultaneously, Gray and Natsu yelled out.

"WTF?!"

Gray grabbed a stick nearby and poked it into the flames to see if his eyes were tricking him. Instantaneously, the twig caught aflame.

Gray ran over to Natsu who was currently trying to tickle Lucy. Suddenly, almost robotically, Lucy flung out an arm that directly hit Natsu in the gut. Yet her gaze never left Erza's.

Natsu groaned and stumbled over to Gray who was just chuckling like an idiot.

"Hey, Flame-Brain, nice job 'calming Luce down'!"

"Like you even tried with-wait, are those real flames?"

"Yeah, she's actually on fire."

"Awesome! I haven't had Erza fire since Mira was still scary! Erza fire tastes so good…"

"Erza fire?! Oh, I'm not even going to ask…Hey, is that snow around Lucy?"

"Hm? Did you say something Ice-Prick?"

Gray sighed heavily.

"Maybe we should switch girls."

"A-huh."

"Natsu is a big pink teddy bear who breathes out confetti and bubblegum."

"Whatever you say."

"That proves it, you're totally not listening to me."

"Okay."

"I'm going to play in Lucy's Winter Wonderland, you try out Erza's Land of Satanic Flames, all right?"

"Sure, yeah, are we done talking?"

"Yes, now, go!"

Natsu took off like a rocket. Gray just sweat-dropped.

-O_o'-

(Lucy's POV)

I could feel my rage subsiding. Great. Now I'd have to concede defeat! I was interrupted when I noticed in my peripheral vision that Gray was making a snowman behind me. Baka. When he started making an igloo it seemed a bit ridiculous but nonetheless, he did it.

Than, to give his snowman a "carrot" nose, he took the long orange barrette that was holding my hair out of my face. My straight golden hair fell cutely in front of my eyes.

So not intimidating.

Before I killed Gray though, I needed to finish this thing with Erza. I re-focused on her and almost burst out laughing.

Natsu was trying to eat the fire engulfing my rival and Erza looked like she was about to blow a fuse.

Ersa and I locked eyes and a mutual understanding passed between us. We shifted our gazes to the two boys enjoying themselves at our expense.

Immediately they froze and shivered, Natsu holding a piece of hard-earned fire and Gray halfway through throwing a snowball at said fire mage.

"Erza…"

"Yes, Lucy?"

"Permission to kill?"

"That goes without saying."

Natsu and Gray sensed the impending agony and gulped nervously, screaming like little girls as Erza and I approached.

-OO-

(No one's POV)

Natsu twitched slightly and moaned in pain. Gray took a faint, shallow breath.

"THEY'RE ALIVE!"

Happy cheered excitedly.

"You know Erza, I really am sorry!"

"No, Lucy, it was my fault."

"But I started it!"

"But I over-reacted…"

"Oh well, it happened, now let's just forget about this. But you know, I'm still kind of tense, do you want to come with me for a massage?"

"Oh, a massage? I would love to."

"Goodbye everyone 3~!"

"Keep building you slackers!"

Erza and Lucy smiled and, arm in arm, practically skipped away. Gray squinted at the two.

"D-Devils…"

Natsu just barely managed to squeak out his response.

"A-Aye."

- (another random arrow…)

THE END!

BTW, if anyone's wondering why Gray was building snowmen and igloos, it's because he was being a big wimp and was too scared to talk to Lucy, so he took the alternative and just played in the snow.

I already said everything in the top bit, so for now, please review! Or favourite, or follow! please! (but it's not like I'm desperate or anything…)

Bye-Bye!


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